MILLIONS OF PEOPLE FIND THEMSELVES FACING THE CHALLENGE OF CARING FOR AN ILL OR AGED LOVED ONE.
Adults are caring for their aging parents, older people are caring for their spouses who are dealing with dementia or Alzheimer’s disease, and anyone can find himself suddenly faced with caring for the victim of an accident or health issue such as a heart attack or cancer.
Care giving the ill or aging loved one presents difficult and unique challenges for the care giver. These challenges can include financial problems, housing, mobility issues, medication management and grieving. Without planning and preparation, the impact of the work on the care giver can be devastating.
Get help.
No one can do this alone. Trying to do all the heavy lifting yourself will only result in a decreased ability to care for your loved one. It is important that you look for resources outside yourself in the care of your aging or ill loved one. These resources can include family, friends, doctors, social agencies, your church, home health care professionals and so on. Therefore, your first task when you find yourself facing long term care of a loved one should be exploring and seeking out these resources and asking for help.
Get away.
Caring for an ill or aging loved one can be a 24-hour a day job 365 days a year. And often, as in the case of caring for the Alzheimer’s patient, the responsibility can last for years. To preserve your own health, you must get time off from your care giving responsibilities regularly. You need at least a few minutes every day, a few hours every week and at least a day each month to get away, rest and regroup. If you can manage to get away for a week or two every year, even better. You would expect to get vacation time in any other job. You should allow yourself the same benefits in your care-giving job.
Get organized.
Care giving can be a complicated task. It is wise to write things down, because it’s easy to forget when you’re exhausted. Keep a notebook with doctors’ instructions, medications, schedules for meds and treatments and other health care routines. Write down changes in your loved one’s eating or sleeping habits or changes in his behavior. These can be important clues for the doctor and other health care providers. Keep a calendar for appointments and substitute care givers’ schedules. Writing it down not only makes your work more efficient, it gets everything you need to remember out of your mind and on paper, thus reducing your stress.
Get with the doctor.
Under privacy laws, your ill loved one can give your doctor permission to talk with you about his condition, medications and treatment. In the case of the patient with dementia or Alzheimer’s, your doctor can legally talk with you about the patient if it is in the best interest of the patient. Accompany your loved one to doctor’s appointments so you can ask questions, take notes and bring up issues which may be helpful to your doctor in making appropriate decisions about your loved-one’s care.
Get healthy.
You can’t take care of your loved one if you don’t take care of yourself. Getting plenty of rest, exercising and eating right may sound trite…but in the case of the care giver it is imperative. Care giving can be exhausting physically, emotionally and mentally. So, you must take extra care of those three aspects of yourself. Physical exercise, particularly walking or swimming will help keep you strong enough to handle your every day tasks and reduce stress. Stay emotionally healthy by tapping into your friendships, social outlets and spiritual foundations. Keep sharp mentally by reading, learning a new skill or engaging in a favorite hobby.
Get informed.
Learn about your loved one’s condition or illness and use what you’ve learned to make your job easier. The more you know about a disease or condition, the less daunting and overwhelming it will seem. A home health care worker can teach your how to lift or turn a patient in bed, how to bathe him and take care of his personal needs in a way that will not injure you. If you are dealing with a condition such as dementia or Alzheimer’s, ask your doctor to recommend resources or websites which will help you know what to expect and how to deal with it as the condition progresses.
Get connected.
There are support groups out there for care-givers. A support group can be a great source of strength, information and assistance. Joining a support group lets you know that you’re not in the struggle alone. Some examples are the American Heart Association, the National Cancer Institute, the Lance Armstrong Foundation,
www.eldercarelink.com, and the Alzheimer’s Foundation of America. There are many more organizations in your community and on line which can be of help.
Finally, get real.
Guilt is your enemy. If you are trying for perfection in your care-giving, you are setting yourself up for failure and disappointment. You can’t do everything. You are going to make mistakes. And there will be days when you feel you just can’t go on. Accept that you are not a superhero. Don’t feel guilty when you have a tough day. And above all, don’t let others lay guilt at your feet. They can’t know what you’re going through. Know that you are doing the best you can. That includes knowing when to quit. There may come a time when you cannot do it anymore. That’s when you need to talk with your loved one and his or her doctor about an assisted living facility or nursing home. Don’t let guilt make you put off the decision until you are too ill or exhausted to make the best decision for your loved one. You will be a much greater source of strength, support and happiness to him or her if you are well and happy when you visit him in his new surroundings.
