THERE ARE LOTS OF WAYS TO AVOID CONFLICT IN YOUR MARRIAGE.
Some of them you can find right here on our website. If the situation is serious, outside help such as counseling from a professional or pastor may be necessary. But, if things aren’t all that bad, maybe you just need a little tune-up.
One technique to use when it seems you’re bickering too much is using a “third option.”
The “third option” is a simple concept and when you think about it, is really no more than common sense.
An argument ensues when two people have opposing views on an issue and each of them is convinced he or she is right and the other person is wrong. So, an argument is made up of two people with two different ways of thinking.
But, what if there is a third way of thinking? There is almost always a third option when approaching any issue.
Let’s take some examples:
*Say you and your spouse are going to buy a new car. He wants a truck so he can go the Lowe’s and bring home boards and buckets and all sorts of things men like to haul around. But, you want a van that you can drive to soccer practice, church and the grocery in comfort. No matter how hard you try, you can’t agree on one or the other, so you end up having the same argument over and over again. You’re determined that you’re going to win and he is going to lose and that’s the end of it.
But, what if you were to back up and consider an alternative way of solving the problem…a third option?
.
One third option would be to buy an SUV. Then he gets his hauling capability and you get your room for car seats and groceries. A cheaper third option would be to buy a van with a trailer hitch and purchase a trailer for those trips to the hardware store.
*Or say you’re going to paint the bedroom. She wants to paint it green, you want to paint it blue. Neither of you like the other’s idea, so it’s time to come up with a third option.
The two of you come up with a third color on which you can both agree. Or another third option would be to agree that you’ll paint the bedroom the color she likes but you get to paint the living room a color you like…in effect taking turns.
*Or let’s take a third example. He wants to have his buddies over for beer and football every Sunday afternoon. You want to spend lazy Sunday afternoons alone with him. Suggest a third way…offer to cook for his buddies if he’ll invite them over for Monday night football and keep your Sunday afternoons for the two of you.
The point of this little exercise is to learn the art of compromise. For most of life’s smaller decisions, finding a third option is an easy way to prevent a little spat from turning into a big brawl.
Of course, you both have to be willing to compromise. If either of you is not willing to consider a third alternative, then you may have larger problems and will need to see that counselor.
But, if you try the third alternative a few times, you’ll probably come to realize that it’s well worth the price for peace in your home. And as you work together to come up with alternative ideas to those which you usually have, you may find that you’ve been living your lives in a rut…never taking a chance on trying new things. Trying new things is exciting…especially when you are sharing the experience with someone you love.
So, remember…there is third option for just about any decision you are trying to make as a couple. Try the third option and see if your bickering doesn’t decrease.
